Breakable.

"Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.

So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,

And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

And we are so fragile,

And our cracking bones make noise,

And we are just,

Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys."

-Breakable, Ingrid Michaelson

I was listening to this song today and noticed how much truth there is in the lyrics. We are just breakable boys and girls. It's so easy for something to throw us off course and to bring us down. There is always somebody I know that is hurting inside. Sometimes that person is me, other times it's not.

But lately, it's been me.

I've been down a lot recently. School has been so incredibly stressful and I'm not the best at time management or, you know, homework and school in general. Life is complicated nowadays (well, as complicated as it can get for a seventeen year old college student).

I'm having a hard time balancing my academic and social life, which has really been the major stressor lately. I miss home. I miss seeing my friends all the time, especially my best friend. I miss my bed, my mom, my dad. The boy I like has a girlfriend. My spiritual life is a bit bumpy right now. I just don't feel healthy, physically or mentally.

So I've been having bad days, multiple times a week. It seems as if my friends and I switch off. Someone is having a bad day, everyday. It's a bit exhausting, but it's made me realize...we are fragile. Which is why I've been so grateful for my friends lately. We need to be there for each other on the bad days. Friends help get us through.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I've realized how important it is to be there for my friends. Because we are fragile. We need people to talk to and we need people to tell us that it's going to be okay.

We stick together when times are tough.

Good Morning Sunshine!

I'm a big girl. I've been waking myself up for school for years.

Which is why I got so mad when I woke up to Sierra's face this morning.

First of all, she opened the blanket of my fort. Did I mention that my bottom bunk has been made into a fort? Yeah, I know. I'm cool.

Anyways, she peeked her head in. I sensed someone near me. As my eyes opened I flinched, realizing that my personal space had been seriously invaded.

"You're class starts in nineteen minutes." She said in a motherly voice.

NEWSFLASH. You aren't my mom. You aren't my friend. Get the frick out of my fort!

That isn't what I said. Although, it's definitely what I wanted to say. Instead, I glared at her (I couldn't help it, I was half way asleep) and turned to face the wall. "No it doesn't." I mumbled.

Then she had the audacity to argue with me. "Yes, it does."

I glanced back at her. "No, it doesn't. It was cancelled."

"Oh. Really?"

I groaned and attempted to go back to sleep, but it was too late. I was awake.

Freaking roommate.

Saturday Night.

It's Saturday night. 10:43 P.M.

Darla has gone home for the weekend. So it's just me and...Sierra.

I'm coming home from seeing The Social Network. (Great movie in case you were wondering.)

I assume my roommate won't be in the dorm at all this evening. After all, it's Saturday night. Last I checked she was wearing faerie wings and using my mixing bowl (ahhhh!!!) to make Jello (I assume Jello shots were involved) with her friends.

So I open the door of my dorm. Yes! The lights are off. Nobody's home.

Wrong!

I look over and see a huge lump in her bed. Gah!

The funny thing about this is that just the other night she made fun of me relentlessly for going to sleep at 10:30 P.M...and that was on a school night.

It's Saturday night, people. She's asleep! What's wrong with this picture?!

Minus Five Points.

Visual Storytelling. It's the class I loathe sitting through, twice a week for one hour and fifteen minutes. It wouldn't be that bad if my teacher didn't love me so much...or maybe he hates me. I have a hard time distinguishing which is the true answer.

In order for you to fully understand my relationship with this professor, let's go back to the very first class session.

I walk in and sit in the front row. Why? Because I'm trying to make myself uncomfortable. I'm not going to be the sky kid that sits in the back of the class anymore. That's not me. I hate sitting in the back.

The teacher asks everyone to introduce themselves. We have to start with one of the four corners. I'm one of them. No one raises their hand. So, not aware of what I was getting myself into, I stupidly put my arm up in the air.

"Ok, you. What's your name? Where are you from? What's your major?"

I quickly spout off the answers to these questions. "My name is Tory. I'm from Southern California. I'm a Film Studies major." Okay. That was easy enough, right? Wrong. The interrogation, as I like to call it, continues for the next TEN MINUTES.

"Name your top three favorite directors." He demands. I pause.

Sure, I like movies. Why else would I be a Film Studies major? But I never claimed to be a film buff. I don't have three favorite directors. One? Sure. John Hughes.

"What's your favorite John Hughes film?"

"Pretty in Pink."

"Do you think you would've ended up with Duckie?"

"Probably... I like Duckie."

"Wow...that says a lot about you."

Greeeatttt...That's not enough for him. "Give me another one." he says. So I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Hitchcock."

"What's your favorite Hitchcock movie?"

"The Birds."

He laughs...and laughs..and laughs. "You are killing me." he says.

"What's wrong with The Birds?" I ask.

"Nothing...it's just an interesting choice." He laughs again. (I like The Birds. Don't judge.)

I'm not exactly sure what else went on during our first encounter. I've managed to block most of it out my memory. And it just gets worse and worse with each and every class...

So basically....

This is why I think my teacher likes me and/or does not like me:

1) I volunteered to introduce myself first in class.

2) He never has to look up to see if I'm in class when he calls attendance. All he says is..."Double T, I see you." Yes, he has a nickname for me.

3) He ALWAYS calls on me when no one has a hand up...or sometimes even if they do.

4) He ALWAYS puts me on the spot when I try to answer a question or give my opinion after he's called on me.

"Double T, what did you think of this film?"

"I really liked the flashback scene."

"Well, what did you like about it?"

"I liked the way it was edited. I thought it was very effective and added to the story."

"What about the way it was edited made you like it?"

"I don't know."

"Yeah you do."

"I really don't."

"Okay. Minus five points."

Are you freaking kidding me? I understand he's trying to get more from me and make me uncomfortable, but I don't know what else to say! What really bugs me about it, is that he never does it to anybody else. Only me. How is that fair? I just don't understand, but I guess we will see.

That's all for now. Bye folks.

Things Are Looking Up ;)

<---That's me during my breakdown last week. :)

Why my life sucks right now:

1) I'm having serious issues with my major right now. I absolutely hate it. I literally just want to crawl in a corner and die every time I have to go to Visual Storytelling...and I really just don't enjoy my Film Aesthetics class. What am I supposed to do with my life?! I thought I had it figured out, but apparently I don't.

2) My professor is out to get me and I don't like that :/

3) I've had a baby headache for a week now.

4) I'm living off of pizza, Powerbars, bananas and In N Out.

5) I feel like I'm failing at everything!!!

6) And....my roommate drives me insane...

7) Oh yeah and California weather freaking sucks right now.

Why things are looking up:

1) My roommate works three whole days a week! :) WOOO!

2) I'm finally (for the most part) caught up on my reading!

3) I made some new friends :)

4) I'm SO CLOSE to being done with my video assignment for my Visual Storytelling class.

5) I got an A- on my first college paper! :) Sayyyyy whaaaaa??? Yeah, I know. It's crazy.

6) Church was amazing on Sunday :)

7) Had a nice little chat with my best friend when she came to visit me the other day :) Cheered me right up.

Why, Hello There. I'm Sleeping.

Would you like to know how I woke up this morning?

An obnoxious, pounding and continuous thud against the door of my dorm room.

At first, I was confused. Was someone really at the door at that ungodly hour of the morning? Or was I dreaming? I went with the latter.

A few seconds later, I heard it again. Then my phone vibrated. With each sound I drifted more and more out of my deep and peaceful sleep. The knocking became more aggressive and showed no sign of stopping.

That was it. I was awake. I checked my phone and sure enough there was a text message from my roommate asking to be let in.

I took my sweet precious time getting up. It’s not my fault she lost her ID card. It’s not my fault she chose to sleep in her friends room on a school night. And it’s not my fault that she came back when both me and Darla were sleeping.

Ahhh!!!!

Yes, I know. I’m a bit of a drama queen. I can recognize that it wasn’t that big of a deal…but I’m a human being…that was up late doing homework…every minute of sleep is CRUCIAL. I had fifteen more minutes!!!

The Roommates.

I didn’t know how dramatic and stressful college life would be. Hence the reason I’m starting this blog in the midst of my fifth week of school, but let me fill you in on what happened in the beginning…

In mid may of last year I discovered what seemed like the greatest invention ever made, Uroomsurf, for those that are unaware it’s basically eharmony for roommates. I quickly signed up after making my decision about what school I’d attend.

Not long after I found a roommate. Long story, short. We had a great virtual relationship. In person…not so much.

Here are my problems with roommate numero uno, Sierra:

1. Her crap is everywhere!!!! And she calls ME the messy roommate. Gahhh!!!

2. Her alarm goes off at 6:05 A.M….when she doesn’t have a class until 10 A.M..She gets up, makes a lot of noise for an hour and then goes back to sleep. This confuses me…and pisses me off.

3. She hung a poster IN MY CORNER.. What the frick, man?! That’s not cool.

4. She leaves her trash and crap in my car.

5. She never pays me back for anything…I owe her five dollars and she won’t shut up about it.

6. She asks me to drive her everywhere and doesn’t offer to pay for gas…Sorry Charlie, I won’t be driving you anywhere anytime soon…

7. She swears like a sailor.

8. She acts superior to EVERYBODY.

9. She has a fake southern accent…

10. She leaves her coffee maker on my desk…next to my laptop. Why?

11. She invites her friends over without bothering to inform either me or our other roommate that they are coming.

12. She hangs up obnoxious and offensive posters in the middle of the room.

13. She’s always laughing loudly at something on her computer…no one cares. I’m trying to study.

14. She plays her music out loud. I don’t want to hear her crappy playlists!

15. She has an attitude.

I could go on…but I won’t…more roommate stories to come in the future.

Problems with roommate number two, from here on, known as, Darla.

1. Nothing at all. She’s great :)

It seems to me that roommate number one should move outta here! Oh…how I miss having my own room…

*names have been changed…duhhhh.